Grey's Anatomy has been my Netflix show for the past month or two. And last night I finished season 10 episode 24. It's over. What will I do with myself? Well, for the moment I am pondering the greatest television love story. Meredith and Cristina. Sure there are husbands and failed weddings. Babies and other friends. And oh Shonda Rhimes as the head all of this series. While I do not agree with most of what she writes; everything is temporary in Shondaland, except, Mer and Cristina's friendship. There are fights, competition, life changes, bombs, gunmen- well one, plane crashes and the Harper Avery nomination. And do you guys know what, ten seasons and all of that later, and Cristina tells Meredith as she prepares to board her plane:
“Don’t let Owen get all dark and twisty. Take care of him. And Alex, take care of Alex. He needs to be mocked at least once a day or he’ll be insufferable. Don’t get on any tiny little planes that can crash or stick your hand in a body cavity that has a bomb in it or off your life to a gunman. Don’t do that. Don’t be a hero. You’re my person. I need you alive. You make me brave. Okay, now we dance it out."
In a world that thrives on the silent truth that everything is temporary; people are replaceable. Marriage vows that state: for richer or poorer; in sickness and health, till death do is part; are being tossed aside. Let alone friendship that hold no covenant value. And on a tv show that glorifies tolerance, sex, and every other type of drama, Shonda Rhimes does it right AND WITH A FRIENDSHIP. Meredith and Cristina are a glimpse to the relationships that Jesus wants us to have. They fight. They get angry. They give the silent treatment. And they forgive. The writers of Grey's may have started to notice that they take huge events and make them small. Something big happens and two episodes later that same incident doesn't even get an acknowledgement. But not with Grey an Yang. We have to endure episode upon episode of awkward, uncomfortable tension. Shonda fix it! But that is real life. And then, there it is the talk. The forgiveness. The moving pass this because you are y person and I cannot live life without you. The reminder that people are worth fighting for and forgiving. That there are some that stick with you past the failures, the discouragements. When everyone else leaves the building they are still there. Willing and ready to defend and love you through it. That is what we learn from Cristina and Meredith.
That is biblical. David and Jonathan. Jesus, Peter, and John. Yes, Peter. I mean, come on guys, Peter messed up. We all do. And although Jesus knew John was his ride or die friend, he knew that Peter was also His person. And what did He do? He called him back. We don't call people back. We do not forgive. We replace people.
But the truth is when you find your people, ou have to be there people. What does beig their people mean? It means telling them the truth. Even when it hurts or when it is not in the best interest of the casualties around. That means despite what husbands, boyfriends, parents say- your person needs to hear truth from you. Sometimes you have to say:
I gotta go. You stay here. You are a gifted surgeon with an extraordinary mind. Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He’s very dreamy, but he’s not the sun. You are.
We have to speak truth. We have to be honest. I have to speak truth. I have to be honest. I don't like fighting. I do not like speaking words that hurt. But sometimes hurting someone out of love, ends up helping them in a way nice words never will. So speak truth. Love your people for who they are. Not for who you want them to be. Love them wen if they do not want kids; yours or their own. Love them because they love you and you cannot love without them.
28 octubre, 2014
Being Afraid to Fail Makes One Selfish
A few months ago, as we sat in Katie's house attempting to do a book club discussion out of the book The Glass Castle, I sat, hesitantly, mid sentence, trying to say the right words for the thoughts that were whirling in my mind when Katie said, "Don't be afraid to fail, Domi." The comment hit me like a brick on the head. Or a light bulb encendido en mi cabeza. Of course! I am hesitant. I am cautious because I am afraid to fail. Crazy, isn't it?
Last night, or rather this morning at 3:47, I got up out of bed cautiously, telling myself that if nothing more I had to pee and that would be my excuse. Rika had been up for awhile on the bathroom. She was vomiting. Really going at it. I wanted to know if she was alright; needed anything. However, I wasn't sure she would meet my friendly concern with acceptance or contempt. I knocked. I asked if she was okay. She opened and explained. Too much food, a little more wine than necessary- an upset stomach. To the space I explained that I needed to pee. She left; I went in.
In bed, I realized I didn't offer her warm water or tea to help settle the nausea. I had forgotten because I was too busy occupying my thoughts with me. With my role and how to play it well. In focusing on not failing- I had failed. SELFISHLY. That is the thought that came to my mind as I lay in bed, Rika getting herself tea. My fear of failure left me thinking about myself and not my friend. How many times has this happened. How many friends, people have I missed helping for fear of it being an inopportune time? What about the elder gentleman at fisio yesterday. I wasn't sure if there was a need, afraid that I would look silly, I sat as, in fact, there was a need but I would not be able to fulfill it. Thanks fear and broken leg. Thanks selfishness.
The idea of selflessness is that it does not think of itself. It jumps in without thinking because there is a need. "oh, you're okay? Cool, I just wanted to make sure," it says. It is active and present. It does not think about itself. It puts itself last.
My fear has made me selfish.
Last night, or rather this morning at 3:47, I got up out of bed cautiously, telling myself that if nothing more I had to pee and that would be my excuse. Rika had been up for awhile on the bathroom. She was vomiting. Really going at it. I wanted to know if she was alright; needed anything. However, I wasn't sure she would meet my friendly concern with acceptance or contempt. I knocked. I asked if she was okay. She opened and explained. Too much food, a little more wine than necessary- an upset stomach. To the space I explained that I needed to pee. She left; I went in.
In bed, I realized I didn't offer her warm water or tea to help settle the nausea. I had forgotten because I was too busy occupying my thoughts with me. With my role and how to play it well. In focusing on not failing- I had failed. SELFISHLY. That is the thought that came to my mind as I lay in bed, Rika getting herself tea. My fear of failure left me thinking about myself and not my friend. How many times has this happened. How many friends, people have I missed helping for fear of it being an inopportune time? What about the elder gentleman at fisio yesterday. I wasn't sure if there was a need, afraid that I would look silly, I sat as, in fact, there was a need but I would not be able to fulfill it. Thanks fear and broken leg. Thanks selfishness.
The idea of selflessness is that it does not think of itself. It jumps in without thinking because there is a need. "oh, you're okay? Cool, I just wanted to make sure," it says. It is active and present. It does not think about itself. It puts itself last.
My fear has made me selfish.
Broken bones, cracked iPad screen and everything in between...
My "visit" to Bonaire has been categorized as a season of brokenness. Not even a week into my trip and there I was flat on my face with my right leg torcida in a weird way. The emergency doctor was pleased to announce to Rika and I in Papiamentu that it was broken. Maybe in two places. "Oh", she said. "Oh? What does 'Oh' mean?" She looked at me as if I were a child and said, "Your leg is broken. Maybe in two places." Ohhhhhh. Since arriving to the house from the hospital after surgery, I have passed the nights giving myself celebratory high gives if I have gone the day without breaking anything. The sad truth is I don't give myself many high fives; and my anxiety level has sky rocketed because of the fact that living without a leg makes one quite clumsy. You would be surprised how important a leg is the your well being. I have definitely been surprised. ¡Sopresa, nieces it's today's tus extremidades para vivir!" Pero bueno.
This time of brokenness has been one with many questions, much frustration, netflix and needing more help than I have ever wanted to seek out. It's exhausting to have to think before you get up. I ask myself question, such as, "how bad of I need to pee? Can I hold it off for a few hours? Can I make it the 6 steps without the crucs? Like Rika said, "fast is not in my vocabulary right now; which why I am lying here in bed, holding myself, instead of running to the bathroom. Or what about the fact that I am not a helpful third person but I am the needy third person. I need. I need. I need. Super needy.
So I dropped a iPad, hoping it would land on the bed, which it did, for a second before the case opened up and the screen hit the cold, charcoal tile. I saw glass hit the floor. My heart dropped really far down. I had fallen into the closet two times and broke the door off the hinges. I had dropped two maybe three mugs; a wine glass slipped out of my hands. But the IPAD!!!! Lo sabía que iba a pasar. Lo sabía. Cada vez que cogí el iPad de Mano, sustuvo bajo mi cuello, pensé, "I am going to drop this one day. I should stop doing this." Y por una tontería, rompí un IPad. YAY.
I'm wondering what this season has to teach me. Brokenness. A pause on the road of life. A needy period. And a time where I have been expected to spend unadulterated time with Jesus. Not Netflix. Oops. Ugh! I'm on an island, have been for almost three months. My days a unscheduled, unless I have fisio. Eingelic, I don't ever have to leave the house. I could stay in bed all day and no one would say anything. Such a weird truth.
I'm so over this season.
This time of brokenness has been one with many questions, much frustration, netflix and needing more help than I have ever wanted to seek out. It's exhausting to have to think before you get up. I ask myself question, such as, "how bad of I need to pee? Can I hold it off for a few hours? Can I make it the 6 steps without the crucs? Like Rika said, "fast is not in my vocabulary right now; which why I am lying here in bed, holding myself, instead of running to the bathroom. Or what about the fact that I am not a helpful third person but I am the needy third person. I need. I need. I need. Super needy.
So I dropped a iPad, hoping it would land on the bed, which it did, for a second before the case opened up and the screen hit the cold, charcoal tile. I saw glass hit the floor. My heart dropped really far down. I had fallen into the closet two times and broke the door off the hinges. I had dropped two maybe three mugs; a wine glass slipped out of my hands. But the IPAD!!!! Lo sabía que iba a pasar. Lo sabía. Cada vez que cogí el iPad de Mano, sustuvo bajo mi cuello, pensé, "I am going to drop this one day. I should stop doing this." Y por una tontería, rompí un IPad. YAY.
I'm wondering what this season has to teach me. Brokenness. A pause on the road of life. A needy period. And a time where I have been expected to spend unadulterated time with Jesus. Not Netflix. Oops. Ugh! I'm on an island, have been for almost three months. My days a unscheduled, unless I have fisio. Eingelic, I don't ever have to leave the house. I could stay in bed all day and no one would say anything. Such a weird truth.
I'm so over this season.
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